


the one where bucky cant move

by buvkissteves



Series: home is wherever im with you [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blood, M/M, Self-Harm, but it deals with buckys psyche, it comes in the form of a burn, obvious ptsd, the self harm is not very graphic, this is kind of sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-09 02:43:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11659953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buvkissteves/pseuds/buvkissteves
Summary: steve gets a text, saying bucky needs him. thats something that doesnt often happen--bucky doesnt slip up anymore.but we all fall occasionally.





	the one where bucky cant move

“Where is he?” Steve asked, bursting into the training room of Stark Tower. Tony was laying on the ground with both hands on his face–not an unusual pose for the co-captain of the Avengers team. Steve did his very best to relieve Tony of the stress that he seemed to carry with him every day that he was awake, but there were things in Tony's mind that Steve would never be able to soothe--things that Pepper better understood, things that Steve had to still work to understand. Today though, could not be about Tony. Today, Steve got a text about one person, and that tended to drown out everyone else. 

Tony, apparently, was in enough of a mood himself that he did not look at Steve. “Showers, he’s been there for like an hour so maybe he drowned.”

“You’re not funny.” Steve called out, turning on his heels to leave.  


“Depends on who you ask!” Tony exclaimed back, but Steve heard the exhaustion in his tone. Whatever had gone on, it had not only affected Bucky, but Tony as well. Steve made a mental note that he would go talk to Tony after, and make sure his friend was okay.   


When Steve opened the door to the bathroom Bucky liked to use, he had to swallow and compose himself before he made to walk forward. What he had to look at was something he had been completely unprepared for. Tony’s message said it was urgent, but never did Steve think it would be this. 

The shower was running, steam rising enough already that the mirrors in the room were all clouded. Bucky was naked in the shower, sitting up against the wall, not a single drop of water touching any part of his body, save for his feet which were turning red under the apparently scolding heat. Bucky had his arms wrapped around his legs, and he was staring at his knees with a blank expression on his face. 

All over his chest, his arms and splattered on his face, was blood. 

Steve walked forward, wondering whether or not he should take off his clothes, hoping desperately Bucky would tell him what he needed or wanted. Sometimes Bucky liked skin to skin to help him relax, but other times it did not do much in helping. 

“Buck,” Steve walked forward faster than he normally would have–he did not like the shade of red of Bucky’s feet. “Bucky?”  


Bucky looked up at Steve, registering him. His voice was robotic as he said, “I had no choice.” he then looked back at his knees. “They said they were going to come for you.”  


Steve swallowed again, trying to keep his heart steady. Of course this was about him, Bucky was able to keep his control a lot of the time. It was rare he lost himself anymore. “Bucky,” he reached for the water, deciding to keep his clothes on, and upon feeling the intense heat, immediately turned it down. He would have to put some lotion on Bucky's burnt feet after, and the very thought pained him. “You didn’t have to kill them.” he stepped under the lukewarm water and got on his knees, becoming drenched. 

Bucky did not flinch when Steve touched his knees, which was a good sign. “They said they would kill you. So I killed them first.” 

Steve didn’t ask what happened with the bodies, he did not have it in him to ask just yet. “Bucky, I’m fine.” he pressed. “Come under the water.” he shook his head, having trouble looking at all of the blood. “Come on pal, let’s get you washed up.”

Bucky did not budge when Steve tried to pull his arms. He did look at  Steve though, his eyes finally showing some kind of emotion–fear, or sadness, something in between that Steve could not name. 

“You can’t die.” he whispered.  


Steve’s heart broke. “Bucky…”

“I have to keep you alive.”  


“We have to keep each other alive.” Steve tried to pull him forward again. “Bucky, come on.” he asked, putting his hand on the side of  Bucky’s face, forcing himself to look past the blood. “Come on, let’s wash you up.”

Bucky leaned his head into Steve’s touch, the tiniest smile over his lip, his eyes full of sorrow. “I remember all of them.” he murmured. 

Steve knew he was talking about not just these dead bodies, but all the ones from his time as the Winter Solider. “Hey,” he lifted his other hand to grasp his face tightly. “You are not what they made you. You’re my best friend, my  Bucky, my guy.” he made sure his voice was like stone, leaving no room for disagreement. “We’ll get through this like we get through everything else. Okay?”

Bucky closed his eyes. His hand went to his new metal arm and put his hand over his metallic bicep. “I’m…” he sighed shakily. 

“You’re Bucky, my Bucky.” Steve said again.   


“Bucky,” he breathed out.   


Steve nodded, making a million reminders to himself–ask Tony if it was self-defense, ask Tony if Vision took care of getting rid of the bodies, trying to find a therapist for Bucky because he was not enough, he could not be enough to take away all the horrors that Bucky had seen. For now though, he would have to be enough. So, with his clothes still on, he pulled Bucky under the water and began to wash the blood off the man he loved, who would do anything to protect him. 


End file.
